I suspect most rosters look a lot like ours (guys often fill more than one of these roles):
Old Man River: skills are fading, but he's a good dude and no one wants to see him go. Maybe not so good for the penalty kill, but great for a beer in the parking lot. Seriously, it's rec hockey; what's more important?
The Kid: Hockey players are a little crazy as a rule, and the Kid is always the craziest. No one remembers having quite as much fun as he claims when they were young and single, but he has fresh legs and talent, so a little crazy won't hurt anyone.
Meathead: "Let's play some #@!&ing hockey!" Sure buddy, but you'd play a lot more if you didn't spend so much time in the box.
Canadian: For US rec teams, you gotta have a Canadian, better yet, a French Canadian. Ok, or a Czech, or a Russian, or a Swede. Somebody from one of those hockey playin' countries. At least Minnesota. Maybe he's not a ringer, but he's good . . . and a little off.
Flaky Star: when he's there, he's money. Problem is he isn't always there. Normally has a temper, too.
Captain Serious: the rec hockey captain who takes everything too seriously. He's not a great player, but he organizes things, so you're happy to have him. But seriously, guy, we're not going to learn the breakout without practicing, and that's not happening any time soon. Might go so far as to write an occasional blog post about hockey.
Crazy Goalie: they're all different . . . and they're all a little off in one way or another. But worldwide they have the same name: Crazy Goalie.
Glory Seeker: This guy wants to bury the puck and will do anything in his power to do so . . . as long as it doesn't include passing to a teammate.
Quiet Hero: solid, team player, scores, passes, plays defense. Keeps his mouth shut. Broods when things are going badly.
The Fuse: good player, libel to explode in rage at any moment. Sometimes it's a long fuse, sometimes it's short, but when it goes? Look out.
Rink Rat: plays for you, plays for them, plays for some other guys, too. Just likes to play. The secret? No wife or kids.
Late Skate McGee: You mean I'm supposed to be here in time for the warm-ups? Please.
The Drinker: we all have a beer after the game, but this guy doesn't stop at one. In fact, you wonder if he stops at four, but you're rarely around late enough to find out
The Mouth: quick to let you know what you're doing wrong. That's not to say that he's doing it right, just that you're doing it wrong.
The Big Defenseman: maybe he has skills, maybe not, but he's big, and he'll run you over if you come near his crease.
The Instigator: maybe he's the Fuse, but often not; he's pesky in the corners at all times. When you're playing against him he's irritating. Sometimes enough to take a dumb penalty just to vent some frustration.
Just Happy to be Here: shows up, plays hockey, drinks a beer. What, you need more than that?
Showing posts with label Characters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Characters. Show all posts
He's a Hockey Player.
I know I just covered this, but it bears repeating. Hockey players are different.
When my pre-school aged daughter takes a tumble, knocks her head, pinches a finger in a door, whatever, then shakes it off, we smile and say, "she's a hockey player." She says it, too. "I'm ok. I'm a hockey player."
That's no joke. The other day, I limped off the ice with three minutes to go in a game that was basically decided and I called it a night. A hard smack on my knee, and I'm still having trouble with stairs. Hey, it was a fun game, and no doubt worth it, but not going back on the ice calls my cred into question.
Our goaltender? (A different one, this time.) He's a hockey player. Three weeks ago, early in the second period, he's facing a 1-on-0, the forward rockets a shot high to the stick side, and our guy makes a sweet save, getting just enough of it to knock it down. But now it's dangling there, just beside him, as the forward speeds in, to tap it home. Our goalie does what any netminder would do, and dives on it, gloves first, making the second save. As luck would have it, he gets his finger stuck between his stick and the ice. Ouch. Sure enough, it's bleeding profusely and hurts like a mother. He comes to the bench, someone grabs some white athletic tape (no guaze or anything), and he tapes the blood in. A little later he has someone tape his pinkie and his ring finger (the bloody one) together, becuase he's having a hard time holding his stick.
He plays the remainder of the game, giving up only one more goal as we hang on for the win. Next stop, the hospital.
Move over Donovan McNabb -- you were getting paid big money to play that football game on a broken ankle. Our guy played two periods of REC HOCKEY on a broken finger and torn nail. For free.
He's a hockey player.
When my pre-school aged daughter takes a tumble, knocks her head, pinches a finger in a door, whatever, then shakes it off, we smile and say, "she's a hockey player." She says it, too. "I'm ok. I'm a hockey player."
That's no joke. The other day, I limped off the ice with three minutes to go in a game that was basically decided and I called it a night. A hard smack on my knee, and I'm still having trouble with stairs. Hey, it was a fun game, and no doubt worth it, but not going back on the ice calls my cred into question.
Our goaltender? (A different one, this time.) He's a hockey player. Three weeks ago, early in the second period, he's facing a 1-on-0, the forward rockets a shot high to the stick side, and our guy makes a sweet save, getting just enough of it to knock it down. But now it's dangling there, just beside him, as the forward speeds in, to tap it home. Our goalie does what any netminder would do, and dives on it, gloves first, making the second save. As luck would have it, he gets his finger stuck between his stick and the ice. Ouch. Sure enough, it's bleeding profusely and hurts like a mother. He comes to the bench, someone grabs some white athletic tape (no guaze or anything), and he tapes the blood in. A little later he has someone tape his pinkie and his ring finger (the bloody one) together, becuase he's having a hard time holding his stick.
He plays the remainder of the game, giving up only one more goal as we hang on for the win. Next stop, the hospital.
Move over Donovan McNabb -- you were getting paid big money to play that football game on a broken ankle. Our guy played two periods of REC HOCKEY on a broken finger and torn nail. For free.
He's a hockey player.
Speaking of Ringers and Fancy Sticks
Gotta love the Downholers . . .
Love the mixed-league softball reference, too. Classic.
Love the mixed-league softball reference, too. Classic.
The Ringer
Player for player you're better than them. There's no doubt. You watch the play unfold: you own the ice, your goaltender's bored, the action is in their end, this game is yours.
But there he is. No facemask. Old skates. Tattered gloves. Mismatched old practice sweater. He intercepts a pass. He makes a quick turn away from the first challenger. He streaks up the ice, past your trailing centerman. He is challenged again at the center-line. A quick flick of the wrists and twist of the hips, and he's by the next man. He crosses the blue line, your defensemen converge on him, he winds up his blast from the face-off circle, your goaltender begins his butterfly, he . . . swings a deft pass to the slacker, untalented left wing skating unmolested to the far post, who taps in the open net goal.
He makes bad teams good, mediocre teams great, and good teams advance to the next division. Yes, friends, he's the Ringer. He plays at every level except the top (where they are all Ringers).
When he plays for you, you love him. When he plays against you, you fear him and despise his mates. "Why does he play for them?" "Sweet, he's playing for us tonight." "Isn't he bored?" "He gives us the edge we need." "He's an A player, he shouldn't be here." "Everyone's got one, who are they to complain?"
Now, there are two kinds of ringers. The one brought in for one game, and the one who is on your roster. The former is the more distasteful, to my mind. The latter? Maybe the team is just trying to get better. Of course, if he sticks around long enough and the rest of the team doesn't get any better, the resentment builds.
We play in an intermediate division. There are no true beginners in our league. Most teams have one or two guys who are truly playing below their level. The frustrating thing is that last season's "best" team really wasn't. Instead, they had the best two players, then a bunch of mediocre guys. Although player-for-player, they were probably the 5th best team (out of 6), they only lost 3 games all season. I take pleasure in the fact that in the end, they lost the finals (in a two-game sweep) to the team that really is, player-for-player the best in the league (and has one ringer of their own).
It's frustrating to lose to a team when you're beating most of their guys, but can't beat their best player. When you win with one of these guys, you justify it in one way or another: the reality is there is a range of players at every level. You play with the guys you do because you know and like them. So one guy played in college, one guy played in high school, one guy played shinny on local ponds, and one guy just switched over from a couple of years of roller hockey. That's just how it is. So, "My friend is a really good player. We play together because we're friends."
At lower levels, speed is the difference. A fast player can beat a tripod without much effort. The higher the level the less speed plays a role, the more hands do. Our last true ringer wasn't that fast. Probably five guys on our team were faster, some much faster, but he could make the puck dance, and find the open man or the back of the net with ease. Those are some of the most frustrating ringers. You can keep with them, they don't seem that great, but you just can't pry the puck away, which means you are always standing right there when the goal is scored. At least when they blow by you you know there was nothing you could do.
Love him, hate him, the Ringer is here to stay. If he's on your team, make sure you find open space in front of the opposing net, to give him options when the other team converges on him. When you play against him, get a big early lead to get him bored and frustrated.
What's going on in the mind of the Ringer? I've only been there a handful of times (playing in beginner divisions). It's fun, for a while, to skate around people and have your way with opposing defenses. It's fun to intimidate an opposing team, to have them fear you. But, at least for me, it gets boring and frustrating not having players you feel comfortable sharing the puck with. Yet again, this is probably less true the higher the level, the more challenge there is. I wouldn't know, I'm an intermediate player playing in an intermediate division.
Whether it's a bore or not, he's not going anywhere. The best defense is probably to find your own Ringer. Last summer we did. It was a great pleasure beating that team with the two ringers and hearing them gripe about our guy. Seriously, of all the teams to complain about ringers, they were the worst offenders. So, they got what was coming to them.
But it made me feel a little dirty. That's just how it goes, I guess.
But there he is. No facemask. Old skates. Tattered gloves. Mismatched old practice sweater. He intercepts a pass. He makes a quick turn away from the first challenger. He streaks up the ice, past your trailing centerman. He is challenged again at the center-line. A quick flick of the wrists and twist of the hips, and he's by the next man. He crosses the blue line, your defensemen converge on him, he winds up his blast from the face-off circle, your goaltender begins his butterfly, he . . . swings a deft pass to the slacker, untalented left wing skating unmolested to the far post, who taps in the open net goal.
He makes bad teams good, mediocre teams great, and good teams advance to the next division. Yes, friends, he's the Ringer. He plays at every level except the top (where they are all Ringers).
When he plays for you, you love him. When he plays against you, you fear him and despise his mates. "Why does he play for them?" "Sweet, he's playing for us tonight." "Isn't he bored?" "He gives us the edge we need." "He's an A player, he shouldn't be here." "Everyone's got one, who are they to complain?"
Now, there are two kinds of ringers. The one brought in for one game, and the one who is on your roster. The former is the more distasteful, to my mind. The latter? Maybe the team is just trying to get better. Of course, if he sticks around long enough and the rest of the team doesn't get any better, the resentment builds.
We play in an intermediate division. There are no true beginners in our league. Most teams have one or two guys who are truly playing below their level. The frustrating thing is that last season's "best" team really wasn't. Instead, they had the best two players, then a bunch of mediocre guys. Although player-for-player, they were probably the 5th best team (out of 6), they only lost 3 games all season. I take pleasure in the fact that in the end, they lost the finals (in a two-game sweep) to the team that really is, player-for-player the best in the league (and has one ringer of their own).
It's frustrating to lose to a team when you're beating most of their guys, but can't beat their best player. When you win with one of these guys, you justify it in one way or another: the reality is there is a range of players at every level. You play with the guys you do because you know and like them. So one guy played in college, one guy played in high school, one guy played shinny on local ponds, and one guy just switched over from a couple of years of roller hockey. That's just how it is. So, "My friend is a really good player. We play together because we're friends."
At lower levels, speed is the difference. A fast player can beat a tripod without much effort. The higher the level the less speed plays a role, the more hands do. Our last true ringer wasn't that fast. Probably five guys on our team were faster, some much faster, but he could make the puck dance, and find the open man or the back of the net with ease. Those are some of the most frustrating ringers. You can keep with them, they don't seem that great, but you just can't pry the puck away, which means you are always standing right there when the goal is scored. At least when they blow by you you know there was nothing you could do.
Love him, hate him, the Ringer is here to stay. If he's on your team, make sure you find open space in front of the opposing net, to give him options when the other team converges on him. When you play against him, get a big early lead to get him bored and frustrated.
What's going on in the mind of the Ringer? I've only been there a handful of times (playing in beginner divisions). It's fun, for a while, to skate around people and have your way with opposing defenses. It's fun to intimidate an opposing team, to have them fear you. But, at least for me, it gets boring and frustrating not having players you feel comfortable sharing the puck with. Yet again, this is probably less true the higher the level, the more challenge there is. I wouldn't know, I'm an intermediate player playing in an intermediate division.
Whether it's a bore or not, he's not going anywhere. The best defense is probably to find your own Ringer. Last summer we did. It was a great pleasure beating that team with the two ringers and hearing them gripe about our guy. Seriously, of all the teams to complain about ringers, they were the worst offenders. So, they got what was coming to them.
But it made me feel a little dirty. That's just how it goes, I guess.
"Girls"
This is the first season we haven't played with or against women. The first rec team I joined played in the beginner division. We had about five women. All of the women on that team were effectively beginners. One decided to practice a slapshot against our teammate's face during the warm-ups for a playoff game. The victim (with whom I still play) skated past the blue-line towards center ice when the slapper ricocheted off his eye socket. Twenty stitches and 5% of his vision later, he wears a cage.
We moved up a division and didn't have any women on our team, but still played against several. Then we moved up another division and we only played against a handful. In this league (an intermediate or, if I'm being kind to myself, advanced-intermediate league) there were two women on one team, and maybe one more on another? That was when the division had ten or eleven teams. With new management taking over and some personnel shake-ups on various teams, this season the team with a pair of women moved down a division, leaving our league estrogen free.
Last summer, with still -- I think -- one woman playing for a team now in the lower division, another woman subbed in for one of the other teams, then for us for a game or two. I met her playing pick-up hockey one Friday night. She's a solid skater, handles the puck well, and plays pretty solid position. On the other hand, she's about 5'2" and not built heavy. Her skill set and size play well in a pick-up game, but playing competively with a bunch of men? We played our summer league with a short bench. A very short bench. I asked her to join us for a game or two. She showed off some skill -- definitely better than a bunch of the guys in our league -- and helped us out.
Turns out she plays NCAA Div-III hockey. This season she was an alternate captain for her team, did her part, leading the team in scoring, and made the all-conference team. The team won their division, and will play in the NCAA Div-III tournament that starts this coming weekend. So she's pretty good in a competitive, if not the top, women's league.
What does this all mean? Several of the guys on our team would've been stars if they were women (or underwent "gender reassignment" surgery . . .)
More thoughts:
Women in the culture? We'd likely have to cut down on the off-color humor in the dressing room or the parking lot. Most hockey-playing women probably don't mind, but the men do. Got to pretend there's a minimum level of decency (there isn't).
Women in the locker room? I've played with some that changed in the locker room, going all the way down to the birthday suit. Most came dressed in some form of underclothing that they could keep on. There was the "turn to face the wall" when changing bras. Not sure how effective that was. Yeah, it's not a full frontal shot of "the girls," but it's not like you don't see them. The men? Try to be a little more subtle when stripping down for the shower, but still took showers, leaving it up to the women not to get caught staring. Never saw a woman hop in the shower in a co-ed locker room. On the other hand, they don't sweat, right?
Playing against women? Our team is pretty agressive along the boards for a "non-checking" league. Any different when playing a woman? Got to say yes. Maybe we shouldn't be, but the chivilrous (chauvanistic?) part of me says to pull up rather than grinding the woman out on the boards. If you do take her out, you answer for it on the bench. Then, when a woman beats you, especially if it's by going through you, you never hear the end of it. Good times.
We moved up a division and didn't have any women on our team, but still played against several. Then we moved up another division and we only played against a handful. In this league (an intermediate or, if I'm being kind to myself, advanced-intermediate league) there were two women on one team, and maybe one more on another? That was when the division had ten or eleven teams. With new management taking over and some personnel shake-ups on various teams, this season the team with a pair of women moved down a division, leaving our league estrogen free.
Last summer, with still -- I think -- one woman playing for a team now in the lower division, another woman subbed in for one of the other teams, then for us for a game or two. I met her playing pick-up hockey one Friday night. She's a solid skater, handles the puck well, and plays pretty solid position. On the other hand, she's about 5'2" and not built heavy. Her skill set and size play well in a pick-up game, but playing competively with a bunch of men? We played our summer league with a short bench. A very short bench. I asked her to join us for a game or two. She showed off some skill -- definitely better than a bunch of the guys in our league -- and helped us out.
Turns out she plays NCAA Div-III hockey. This season she was an alternate captain for her team, did her part, leading the team in scoring, and made the all-conference team. The team won their division, and will play in the NCAA Div-III tournament that starts this coming weekend. So she's pretty good in a competitive, if not the top, women's league.
What does this all mean? Several of the guys on our team would've been stars if they were women (or underwent "gender reassignment" surgery . . .)
More thoughts:
Women in the culture? We'd likely have to cut down on the off-color humor in the dressing room or the parking lot. Most hockey-playing women probably don't mind, but the men do. Got to pretend there's a minimum level of decency (there isn't).
Women in the locker room? I've played with some that changed in the locker room, going all the way down to the birthday suit. Most came dressed in some form of underclothing that they could keep on. There was the "turn to face the wall" when changing bras. Not sure how effective that was. Yeah, it's not a full frontal shot of "the girls," but it's not like you don't see them. The men? Try to be a little more subtle when stripping down for the shower, but still took showers, leaving it up to the women not to get caught staring. Never saw a woman hop in the shower in a co-ed locker room. On the other hand, they don't sweat, right?
Playing against women? Our team is pretty agressive along the boards for a "non-checking" league. Any different when playing a woman? Got to say yes. Maybe we shouldn't be, but the chivilrous (chauvanistic?) part of me says to pull up rather than grinding the woman out on the boards. If you do take her out, you answer for it on the bench. Then, when a woman beats you, especially if it's by going through you, you never hear the end of it. Good times.
Recreational?
There's 1:30 left in the third. It's a one goal game.
Do you shuffle your lines, or do you go with whoever is next? If there is a power play (for you if you are losing, against you if you are winning), does it change your answer?
Lately, I've been going the shuffle route. Is that unfair to the guys who aren't as good, but are paying just as much? Is one shift that big a deal?
Do you shuffle your lines, or do you go with whoever is next? If there is a power play (for you if you are losing, against you if you are winning), does it change your answer?
Lately, I've been going the shuffle route. Is that unfair to the guys who aren't as good, but are paying just as much? Is one shift that big a deal?
Short Bench
14 skaters on the squad. Scheduling isn't hard, we play once a week, the same night every week. So how do you end up short?
Two guys have been a little flaky the last two years. Still, that leaves 12 reliable skaters. At 3pm one of the flakes is coming; the other is down with a knee. 13. Another guy has a season ending injury (thankfully, not on the ice). 12. It's February in California, so one guy is skiing in Tahoe. 11. One guy's wife just had a baby. He comes to the game, but his head's not in it and he forgets his gear at home. 10. One more guy is out on a business trip. 9. And the kicker? It's flu season, and it's wracked the keeper something fierce. No goalie. So we call-up our standby sub and his team's already got a game that night. Still no goalie. Which means our 8th skater is now our goaltender. 8. With our 3rd string goalie (who would've been the starter 10 years ago, but now plays about twice a year, normally in this situation). A few minutes before gametime, flaky-guy #1, who was coming as late as this afternoon? Nowhere to be seen. 7.
What do you do? Well, one thing you do is lose. Even when the other team is missing their best couple of guys. Which is frustrating becuase it was a great opportunity to pick up two points. It never ceases to amaze how the numbers can change minutes before the game. Here, we had a solid 10, but with the flu and the lack of our normal sub-goalie into account, the flake, and hormonal pregnancy guy we stand little chance.
More importantly, who's got the beer?
Lucky for me, I was the guy on the business trip, but seriously, I sincerely hope someone brought beer.
Two guys have been a little flaky the last two years. Still, that leaves 12 reliable skaters. At 3pm one of the flakes is coming; the other is down with a knee. 13. Another guy has a season ending injury (thankfully, not on the ice). 12. It's February in California, so one guy is skiing in Tahoe. 11. One guy's wife just had a baby. He comes to the game, but his head's not in it and he forgets his gear at home. 10. One more guy is out on a business trip. 9. And the kicker? It's flu season, and it's wracked the keeper something fierce. No goalie. So we call-up our standby sub and his team's already got a game that night. Still no goalie. Which means our 8th skater is now our goaltender. 8. With our 3rd string goalie (who would've been the starter 10 years ago, but now plays about twice a year, normally in this situation). A few minutes before gametime, flaky-guy #1, who was coming as late as this afternoon? Nowhere to be seen. 7.
What do you do? Well, one thing you do is lose. Even when the other team is missing their best couple of guys. Which is frustrating becuase it was a great opportunity to pick up two points. It never ceases to amaze how the numbers can change minutes before the game. Here, we had a solid 10, but with the flu and the lack of our normal sub-goalie into account, the flake, and hormonal pregnancy guy we stand little chance.
More importantly, who's got the beer?
Lucky for me, I was the guy on the business trip, but seriously, I sincerely hope someone brought beer.
The Addict
Some things in life are addictive: smoking, drinking, heroin, . . . and hockey.*
But not all users are addicts. I've known people that were social smokers. I've been one myself once or twice. But if your clothes smell, your teeth turned yellow, you cough and wheeze a lot, and your doc is showing you black spots on your lungues? Probably addicted to smoking.
I enjoy a nice wine, a cold beer, and a nice single malt. But if you can't remember yesterday afternoon. Or the afternoon before that one. Heck, you can't remember most afternoons, and definitely no weekends? And the courts took away your driver's license? Betty Ford is calling your name.
Woke up this morning in the gutter with a needle in your arm? Let's face it, there can't be many "social" herion users.
So how do you tell if you're a hockey addict? Reschedule an emergency court date for a client for a day earlier so you won't miss your hockey game? Leave a baby monitor with your next-door neighbor to "watch" your infant child until 1 a.m. on a Thursday night while you go play? Send your wife to pick-up the brand new sports sedan from the dealer without you because you have to make a game? First stop back from a long business trip is the parking lot to have a beer with the guys after the game you just missed?
You might be an addict.
I can remember when I was a kid and all I wanted for my birthday was to go play in a pick-up game. Seriously. Didn't want a birthday party; I guess I wanted a cake; but all I really cared about was that mom and dad got me to the $10 pick-up game on time.
Others? Let's hear 'em . . .
*From what I hear surfing is, too.
But not all users are addicts. I've known people that were social smokers. I've been one myself once or twice. But if your clothes smell, your teeth turned yellow, you cough and wheeze a lot, and your doc is showing you black spots on your lungues? Probably addicted to smoking.
I enjoy a nice wine, a cold beer, and a nice single malt. But if you can't remember yesterday afternoon. Or the afternoon before that one. Heck, you can't remember most afternoons, and definitely no weekends? And the courts took away your driver's license? Betty Ford is calling your name.
Woke up this morning in the gutter with a needle in your arm? Let's face it, there can't be many "social" herion users.
So how do you tell if you're a hockey addict? Reschedule an emergency court date for a client for a day earlier so you won't miss your hockey game? Leave a baby monitor with your next-door neighbor to "watch" your infant child until 1 a.m. on a Thursday night while you go play? Send your wife to pick-up the brand new sports sedan from the dealer without you because you have to make a game? First stop back from a long business trip is the parking lot to have a beer with the guys after the game you just missed?
You might be an addict.
I can remember when I was a kid and all I wanted for my birthday was to go play in a pick-up game. Seriously. Didn't want a birthday party; I guess I wanted a cake; but all I really cared about was that mom and dad got me to the $10 pick-up game on time.
Others? Let's hear 'em . . .
*From what I hear surfing is, too.
New Management: the Response, "Suck it."
I am unsympathetic to the complaints of some regarding the new management. Here is the (excerpted) response from the new management, who, apparently, share my view:
Captains,
I apologize for a lack of contact this weekend, I was away for a coaching clinic. I’ll try to touch on the issues that have been brought up here over the past few days.
1. Team rosters are a requirement to play in the league. You must go online and enter your team (with a number for each player) and you must bring a printed sheet for each game to have the players sign. The former so I can see who is USA Hockey registered and the latter so I can see who actually played on that given day. If you do not bring a printed sheet in, you can make a hand written one at the rink. I will not be providing you with your printed sheet. ("This isn't that hard. Stop being a baby.")
2. In order for your USA Hockey payment to translate into coverage, you must wear the proper USA Hockey equipment. This includes shoulder pads. This does not include cages or mouth guards.
I have not made up these rules myself and therefore there is no “wiggle room”. There will not be exceptions to particular rules made for particular divisions.
3. We are playing blue line icing and there is no overtime. This will be relayed to the referees. We play this way so that all games will start and end on time. ("You all know how annoying it is to show up for a 10:15 game, and not start until 10:45? This is intended to address that problem.")
. . .
I think that covers the major concerns. In the future, please do not “reply all” when responding to my e-mails unless it is absolutely necessary. I’m sure everyone doesn’t want their inbox full of Oakland Adult Hockey all year. ("Not everyone wants to hear your temper tantrum.") Aside from that, keep in mind that I am working with you. This league is not for me or about me. The schedule is being constructed with the goal of letting you play hockey, not me wanting you miss your family vacation. I have not changed any league fees or previously scheduled time slots. The rule changes are what come along with being USA Hockey registered. (We're trying to be reasonable, but we will still run this thing the way we run things.") The building has certainly been inspected and all necessary fix-ups will be happening. ("Rome wasn't built in a day.") So, while I certainly welcome your suggestions and feedback, there is a fine line between constructive communication and complaining. It is much easier for me to want to work with you when it’s kept to the first one. ("Quit your whining.")
New Management Part II: The Whiner
New management = changes. We covered that, right?
Not everyone got the message. Here's the response from one of the team captains out there in space when faced with the daunting task of providing the scorekeeper a player sign-in sheet prior to each game:
With all due respect I do wonder for what reason and how logistically it will be possible to have a captain provide a roster for each game that will require every player to sign in.
Why can't you make twenty copies (a season's worth) of each team roster and have them at the rink for your referees to demand signatures prior to each game. It seems like what you propose is a very large amount of red tape to go through but I guess it all comes down to trying your best to streamline the process of making sure that all players on the ice are usa hockey registered. I bet you wish that you did not have to adhere to that pain in the ass requirement, seems like it is hardly worth the 35 bucks everyone has to pay if it creates all of these hassles for you. (Bet he will think it's worth it after he takes a puck in the eye.) There must be some big payoff for you guys related to having us all signed up for the usa hockey program. Is it insurance or something more? (You know, because insurance isn't that big a deal, right?)
We all like the location plus the guys who play in our forty and over league are all great sports and fun to compete with so because of this we will be willing to put up with a few additional inconveniences but I do want to point out that placing a high priority on shoulder pads while allowing helmet restrictions to be optional does not make any sense to me. I have a player who wears a certified helmet and cage but who has such big shoulders that he refuses to wear the shoulder pads and I don't blame him. Do I have to tell him that after seven years he has to sit out of this league because of your equipment requirements? He just happens to be one of the best players in the league. (Well, if he's good, that means he can't get hurt, right? The rules forcing shoulder pads but not face masks are a little arbitrary, but, hey, that's what the insurance requires.) If you can't bend then we may have to back out.
Let's talk soon to see what wiggle room you really have on these issues. You can reach me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
I have been holding off on turning in our team fee of which I have the full amount until we were certain that this new management is going to work with us. ("We're special. Besides, one of our guys is one of the best players in the league.") Please let me know just how cumbersome the new rules will become and what if any new restrictions are going to be imposed in the future. (Something tells me the new management won't shed any tears if this guy decides to opt out. "Cuz, you know, it's not really hockey if you have to wear shoulder pads.")
My favorite response, from another captain:
I have no problem with the small amount of paperwork before each game. I think that just comes with being a captain on a team. Shoulder pads don't seem to be an issue either. I've noticed since the captains meeting that the over 40 boys seem to be fighting every change that comes along.
Gonna make a lot of friends with that one. Good thing he's in a different division. But he's right. The whining is stupid, the rules aren't that difficult to comply with (and are an attempt to ensure that each team is actually playing its players), and insurance is no small thing.
Not everyone got the message. Here's the response from one of the team captains out there in space when faced with the daunting task of providing the scorekeeper a player sign-in sheet prior to each game:
With all due respect I do wonder for what reason and how logistically it will be possible to have a captain provide a roster for each game that will require every player to sign in.
Why can't you make twenty copies (a season's worth) of each team roster and have them at the rink for your referees to demand signatures prior to each game. It seems like what you propose is a very large amount of red tape to go through but I guess it all comes down to trying your best to streamline the process of making sure that all players on the ice are usa hockey registered. I bet you wish that you did not have to adhere to that pain in the ass requirement, seems like it is hardly worth the 35 bucks everyone has to pay if it creates all of these hassles for you. (Bet he will think it's worth it after he takes a puck in the eye.) There must be some big payoff for you guys related to having us all signed up for the usa hockey program. Is it insurance or something more? (You know, because insurance isn't that big a deal, right?)
We all like the location plus the guys who play in our forty and over league are all great sports and fun to compete with so because of this we will be willing to put up with a few additional inconveniences but I do want to point out that placing a high priority on shoulder pads while allowing helmet restrictions to be optional does not make any sense to me. I have a player who wears a certified helmet and cage but who has such big shoulders that he refuses to wear the shoulder pads and I don't blame him. Do I have to tell him that after seven years he has to sit out of this league because of your equipment requirements? He just happens to be one of the best players in the league. (Well, if he's good, that means he can't get hurt, right? The rules forcing shoulder pads but not face masks are a little arbitrary, but, hey, that's what the insurance requires.) If you can't bend then we may have to back out.
Let's talk soon to see what wiggle room you really have on these issues. You can reach me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
I have been holding off on turning in our team fee of which I have the full amount until we were certain that this new management is going to work with us. ("We're special. Besides, one of our guys is one of the best players in the league.") Please let me know just how cumbersome the new rules will become and what if any new restrictions are going to be imposed in the future. (Something tells me the new management won't shed any tears if this guy decides to opt out. "Cuz, you know, it's not really hockey if you have to wear shoulder pads.")
My favorite response, from another captain:
I have no problem with the small amount of paperwork before each game. I think that just comes with being a captain on a team. Shoulder pads don't seem to be an issue either. I've noticed since the captains meeting that the over 40 boys seem to be fighting every change that comes along.
Gonna make a lot of friends with that one. Good thing he's in a different division. But he's right. The whining is stupid, the rules aren't that difficult to comply with (and are an attempt to ensure that each team is actually playing its players), and insurance is no small thing.
The Goal Scorer
We've had two over the years. Guys that just know how to score. They were both very good, though I'm not sure they were the "best" players on our team. Other guys could skate better, defend better, handle the puck better, hustled more . . ., but these two just knew how to put the biscuit in the basket.
It's a special talent: the ability to score. One I don't have. Being in the right place at the right time. Getting shots off quickly and accurately. Knowing how to get around that last defenseman for a clear shot.
The first of our goalscorers left us many moons ago. Moved to Alaska. I think we only played one full season with him. It was lower competition, but his line scored 75 goals in 20 games, and he was responsible for over 30 of them. He wasn't in great shape, and sometimes that caught up with him. But he changed gears to shoot around opposing defenseman like they were standing still. A few minutes into a game, the other team knew it was coming, but they still couldn't stop it. And his shot always seemed to find net. As soon as he went down with a knee injury in his second season with us, our team started to falter. It never recovered. Not long after his move to Alaska, we (the tribal council) started over again with a new team.
Our next goal scorer. Again, a very good player. Our best? Maybe, maybe not. Certainly not our fastest, and our other top center was likely better end-to-end and on the defensive end. But the goal-scorer's hands . . . He could make the puck dance, and regularly did around opposing defenseman. And he, too, found the net with regularity. He was our leading goalscorer last season, and he only played the first 1/2 of the season, scoring about 1.5 goals per game, and opening up the ice for everyone playing with him. But he too up and left, back to the midwest, to Wisconsin. Again, without him, our team really took a dive.
So, now we're starting a new season, and through our two preseason games, the lack of a goal scorer is looking like a problem. Talent-wise we're one of the better teams in our league, but we need to find a way to generate goals.
Oh, to have a goal-scorer.
It's a special talent: the ability to score. One I don't have. Being in the right place at the right time. Getting shots off quickly and accurately. Knowing how to get around that last defenseman for a clear shot.
The first of our goalscorers left us many moons ago. Moved to Alaska. I think we only played one full season with him. It was lower competition, but his line scored 75 goals in 20 games, and he was responsible for over 30 of them. He wasn't in great shape, and sometimes that caught up with him. But he changed gears to shoot around opposing defenseman like they were standing still. A few minutes into a game, the other team knew it was coming, but they still couldn't stop it. And his shot always seemed to find net. As soon as he went down with a knee injury in his second season with us, our team started to falter. It never recovered. Not long after his move to Alaska, we (the tribal council) started over again with a new team.
Our next goal scorer. Again, a very good player. Our best? Maybe, maybe not. Certainly not our fastest, and our other top center was likely better end-to-end and on the defensive end. But the goal-scorer's hands . . . He could make the puck dance, and regularly did around opposing defenseman. And he, too, found the net with regularity. He was our leading goalscorer last season, and he only played the first 1/2 of the season, scoring about 1.5 goals per game, and opening up the ice for everyone playing with him. But he too up and left, back to the midwest, to Wisconsin. Again, without him, our team really took a dive.
So, now we're starting a new season, and through our two preseason games, the lack of a goal scorer is looking like a problem. Talent-wise we're one of the better teams in our league, but we need to find a way to generate goals.
Oh, to have a goal-scorer.
Characters: Dude, Get a Life
I figured I'd run through our cast of characters, that is the guys I play with. We'll start with me.
Seriously, writing a blog about rec hockey that next to no one reads? Get a life. I spend way too much of my waking time thinking about this stuff. I send potential lines to one of the alternate captains during the week. I can only imagine him rolling his eyes everytime he gets them. I take this stuff way too seriuosly. It still bothers me when guys show up late. I fret over wins, losses, and statistics. I bought a hat that loosely resembles our team's colors and name, just because, well, it loosely resembles our team's name and colors. Season starts this Thursday, I'll break it back out for all the world to see . . . ("Man, that guy takes this stuff way too seriously.")
I send copies of plays to run to everyone. I know that gets the eyes rolling. Then it's game time.
"Ok guys, (1) let's keep the penalties down, and (2) no mouthing off to the refs." I promptly go out and take a bad retaliation penalty, then mouth off to the ref. I'm that guy.
Out of shape, don't handle the puck that well, can't shoot to save my life, but I make myself a center because, well, I run the stats and the administrative details. Go figure.
To my credit, our team is pretty well organized, and normally people know when its their turn to bring the beer.
Besides, when one becomes a family man, (a) you start to realize why the dads are always the ones running late, and (b) you need hockey. That special time once a week that belongs to just you, when you don't have any real responsibility other than trying to cover the slot and staying out of the penalty box.
I don't need a life. I have my family and hockey. What more is there?
Seriously, writing a blog about rec hockey that next to no one reads? Get a life. I spend way too much of my waking time thinking about this stuff. I send potential lines to one of the alternate captains during the week. I can only imagine him rolling his eyes everytime he gets them. I take this stuff way too seriuosly. It still bothers me when guys show up late. I fret over wins, losses, and statistics. I bought a hat that loosely resembles our team's colors and name, just because, well, it loosely resembles our team's name and colors. Season starts this Thursday, I'll break it back out for all the world to see . . . ("Man, that guy takes this stuff way too seriously.")
I send copies of plays to run to everyone. I know that gets the eyes rolling. Then it's game time.
"Ok guys, (1) let's keep the penalties down, and (2) no mouthing off to the refs." I promptly go out and take a bad retaliation penalty, then mouth off to the ref. I'm that guy.
Out of shape, don't handle the puck that well, can't shoot to save my life, but I make myself a center because, well, I run the stats and the administrative details. Go figure.
To my credit, our team is pretty well organized, and normally people know when its their turn to bring the beer.
Besides, when one becomes a family man, (a) you start to realize why the dads are always the ones running late, and (b) you need hockey. That special time once a week that belongs to just you, when you don't have any real responsibility other than trying to cover the slot and staying out of the penalty box.
I don't need a life. I have my family and hockey. What more is there?
This Just In: New Management = Changes
So, the Sharks are in charge. They held a Captain's meeting Tuesday night to discuss how things will operate going forward. To many captains' surpise things will be different! No! Really!?! Uh, yeah.
(1) Everyone needs to be a USA Hockey member. Oh the humanity! Management wants an easy way to prove that everyone is insured! What is the world coming to?
(2) Every team has to pay the full team fee. The whole fee!?! No more friendly discounts? Appalling.
(3) At some point in the season, free-subbing of players has to stop, even if the team is shorthanded. You mean we can't bring in ringers from the Platinum league game that just ended because we only have eight of our own guys? Oh, the tragedy of it all! Where's the flexibility?
Frankly, I can't think of a single thing the new management discussed that isn't a welcome change. In addition to the three things listed above, the referees will now all be trained and certified. USA Hockey standards of play will be enforced, regularly. There will be actual league record keeping. Teams will have to play with their own players, but will be allowed to create sub lists. Players will only be eligible for the post-season if they played regularly in the regular season.
Some things there are no changes to: the fee for the season is exactly as advertised by the prior management and the teams will play the same basic schedule they have been playing (which is good for most leagues, not so good for my league, but there is a chance they will remedy that).
Some of the grumbling was ridiculous, if you ask me (and by reading this, you implicitly are). Seriously, how hard is it to maintain a basic roster and a set group of subs that are all level-appropriate? Isn't it time to end the arbitrary practice of allowing friendly discounts to some teams, while others pay the full freight.
All in all, players should remember two things: management of the league has been arbitrary and practically non-existent over the last few years; and there's a reason the City (the owners of the rink) replaced the old management team: their policies weren't any good. So, in comes a team with a good reputation (a reputation that is actually at stake in the community at large) and lots of practice running great leagues. I'm all for it.
(1) Everyone needs to be a USA Hockey member. Oh the humanity! Management wants an easy way to prove that everyone is insured! What is the world coming to?
(2) Every team has to pay the full team fee. The whole fee!?! No more friendly discounts? Appalling.
(3) At some point in the season, free-subbing of players has to stop, even if the team is shorthanded. You mean we can't bring in ringers from the Platinum league game that just ended because we only have eight of our own guys? Oh, the tragedy of it all! Where's the flexibility?
Frankly, I can't think of a single thing the new management discussed that isn't a welcome change. In addition to the three things listed above, the referees will now all be trained and certified. USA Hockey standards of play will be enforced, regularly. There will be actual league record keeping. Teams will have to play with their own players, but will be allowed to create sub lists. Players will only be eligible for the post-season if they played regularly in the regular season.
Some things there are no changes to: the fee for the season is exactly as advertised by the prior management and the teams will play the same basic schedule they have been playing (which is good for most leagues, not so good for my league, but there is a chance they will remedy that).
Some of the grumbling was ridiculous, if you ask me (and by reading this, you implicitly are). Seriously, how hard is it to maintain a basic roster and a set group of subs that are all level-appropriate? Isn't it time to end the arbitrary practice of allowing friendly discounts to some teams, while others pay the full freight.
All in all, players should remember two things: management of the league has been arbitrary and practically non-existent over the last few years; and there's a reason the City (the owners of the rink) replaced the old management team: their policies weren't any good. So, in comes a team with a good reputation (a reputation that is actually at stake in the community at large) and lots of practice running great leagues. I'm all for it.
The Off Season Sucks
We're between winter and summer seasons, the rink is probably about to change management, so God only knows what will happen to our summer season (the rink doesn't even have sign-up information available right now).
The off season sucks.
Here's what one hearty soul decided to do about it . . .
(Sent by several friends, so I'd better include it . . . my favorite part is at the very beginning where he describes how his hockey season came to an end . . . listen for it: lost the championship game "on a garbage goal; the guy was clearly in the crease" -- spoken like a true goalie)
The off season sucks.
Here's what one hearty soul decided to do about it . . .
(Sent by several friends, so I'd better include it . . . my favorite part is at the very beginning where he describes how his hockey season came to an end . . . listen for it: lost the championship game "on a garbage goal; the guy was clearly in the crease" -- spoken like a true goalie)
The Life of a Rec-Hockey Addict . . . er, "Captain"
As I've said, I've assumed the role of Captain more for my ability to compile statistics and ensure that someone brings beer than for my skill on the ice (you should see the scoring charts I've compiled to track our losing streak).
Like "Rolly," in the Beer League trailer, I'm not necessarily a great motivator or tactician. I routinely exhort my teamates to avoid unecessary penalties, only to go out on the ice and commit a reactionary act of aggression myself. Probably the most common double standard I set is that I tell my guys not to bitch at the refs. But something about that "C" on my chest makes me think I have carte blanche to abuse the men in stripes. I've probably agitated the refs more -- and caused more ill will towards our team -- than every other player on our roster combined. Now that's leadership. Or not.
Lately I've been a little better about the penalties and mouthing off to the refs, but I'm the first person to complain about a clearing pass sent across the middle of the ice, then do the same thing myself mere seconds later. And there's the "don't just throw the puck into the middle because you think you've had it too long" advice. Like mouthing off to the refs, I probably do that more than anyone on my team . . . just after exhorting everyone else not to do it.
So why do they put up with it? Probably because they don't want to spend the time to keep track of the stats and make sure beer arrives.
It takes time to enter the stats. And I stay on top of it. Everyone on the team gets a weekly update on their goals, assists, penalty minutes, and number of times they've brought beer. That gives me a goals for and a goals against average. I track goals against and wins and losses for my goaltender (and my consistent goaltending sub), but can't track shots on goal or save percentage because the scorekeepers don't routinely or accurately track it. I keep track of our power play goals, goals against, as well as short handed goals and goals against, and a rough estimation of our percent success on the power play and the penalty kill. So the team has a pretty good handle on who's doing what. And you should see the charts. And the comparisons with previous years. To try and minimize just how big of a dork my teamates think I am, I don't necessarily share all the charts and prior year comparisons, but I do them (available upon request).
Another thing that takes more time than you might think is figuring out who on earth is actually coming to skate any given night. You'd think that someone who is paying about $25 per game to play would be there come hell or high water, but back in the real world we have jobs, significant others, and mood swings that justify the financial loss of not coming. (Note to spouses: it's still cheaper than golf). So, making sure we have 10 skaters is actually a pretty big task. Made bigger when people don't tell you they won't be there. There are the core guys that you know will be there. Then there are the maybees. Then there are the guys that drive up the captain's blood pressure, the ones that are consistently late, or nearly late; and the guys that you have no idea whether they are coming or not, even if they told you they are. Nothing beats dressing in the locker room with 6 guys and no goalie, when you should have 11 skaters and a goalie. Our last goaltender (and current routine sub) was habitually late. He only missed the first face-off once, but talk about adding stress to a rec-captain's life; there's nothing like dressing without a goalie. After a while the routinely late guys become, well, routine. I know they will arrive (or at least I think I know), but I just have to accept that they won't arrive until the last minute. Just part of life. But why is it that it seems the guys that live the closest are routinely the latest?
We have the list of subs, all ordered in my head by who's going to help us the most. But I don't like playing with subs because, well, they're subs. I want to win or lose with my team. This is a point of dissension with some of my guys -- I'd rather play and lose with 9, if they are our 9. Others would rather get the sub and win with 10. They're probably right, but I'm stubborn. I caved two weeks ago, and we still lost, even with what I would describe as a ringer. I see that as kharma siding with me, but who's to know?
I decide the lineup. For better or worse. Hockey is a team sport, and a handful of very good players will play differently, and at different levels, depending on who else they play with. So I try to put our lines together the best I can. I talk to one of my teamates about these decisions before most games. In that I'm a rec-hockey addict, I spend more time thinking about this stuff than I should (talk about redundant -- I'm writing a freakin' blog about it, for goodness sake).
I'm a decent forward, and can play defense if needed (but generally don't want to, so I'll assign the task to some other forward who also doesn't want to play back). I understand positioning and strategy (plays) at a basic level, having studied it, but never received any formal coaching. So I comment on it from the bench and between periods, but I don't know if I actually help the team with it.
Anyway, that's the life of a rec-hockey captain. At least my rec-hockey addicted life.
Like "Rolly," in the Beer League trailer, I'm not necessarily a great motivator or tactician. I routinely exhort my teamates to avoid unecessary penalties, only to go out on the ice and commit a reactionary act of aggression myself. Probably the most common double standard I set is that I tell my guys not to bitch at the refs. But something about that "C" on my chest makes me think I have carte blanche to abuse the men in stripes. I've probably agitated the refs more -- and caused more ill will towards our team -- than every other player on our roster combined. Now that's leadership. Or not.
Lately I've been a little better about the penalties and mouthing off to the refs, but I'm the first person to complain about a clearing pass sent across the middle of the ice, then do the same thing myself mere seconds later. And there's the "don't just throw the puck into the middle because you think you've had it too long" advice. Like mouthing off to the refs, I probably do that more than anyone on my team . . . just after exhorting everyone else not to do it.
So why do they put up with it? Probably because they don't want to spend the time to keep track of the stats and make sure beer arrives.
It takes time to enter the stats. And I stay on top of it. Everyone on the team gets a weekly update on their goals, assists, penalty minutes, and number of times they've brought beer. That gives me a goals for and a goals against average. I track goals against and wins and losses for my goaltender (and my consistent goaltending sub), but can't track shots on goal or save percentage because the scorekeepers don't routinely or accurately track it. I keep track of our power play goals, goals against, as well as short handed goals and goals against, and a rough estimation of our percent success on the power play and the penalty kill. So the team has a pretty good handle on who's doing what. And you should see the charts. And the comparisons with previous years. To try and minimize just how big of a dork my teamates think I am, I don't necessarily share all the charts and prior year comparisons, but I do them (available upon request).
Another thing that takes more time than you might think is figuring out who on earth is actually coming to skate any given night. You'd think that someone who is paying about $25 per game to play would be there come hell or high water, but back in the real world we have jobs, significant others, and mood swings that justify the financial loss of not coming. (Note to spouses: it's still cheaper than golf). So, making sure we have 10 skaters is actually a pretty big task. Made bigger when people don't tell you they won't be there. There are the core guys that you know will be there. Then there are the maybees. Then there are the guys that drive up the captain's blood pressure, the ones that are consistently late, or nearly late; and the guys that you have no idea whether they are coming or not, even if they told you they are. Nothing beats dressing in the locker room with 6 guys and no goalie, when you should have 11 skaters and a goalie. Our last goaltender (and current routine sub) was habitually late. He only missed the first face-off once, but talk about adding stress to a rec-captain's life; there's nothing like dressing without a goalie. After a while the routinely late guys become, well, routine. I know they will arrive (or at least I think I know), but I just have to accept that they won't arrive until the last minute. Just part of life. But why is it that it seems the guys that live the closest are routinely the latest?
We have the list of subs, all ordered in my head by who's going to help us the most. But I don't like playing with subs because, well, they're subs. I want to win or lose with my team. This is a point of dissension with some of my guys -- I'd rather play and lose with 9, if they are our 9. Others would rather get the sub and win with 10. They're probably right, but I'm stubborn. I caved two weeks ago, and we still lost, even with what I would describe as a ringer. I see that as kharma siding with me, but who's to know?
I decide the lineup. For better or worse. Hockey is a team sport, and a handful of very good players will play differently, and at different levels, depending on who else they play with. So I try to put our lines together the best I can. I talk to one of my teamates about these decisions before most games. In that I'm a rec-hockey addict, I spend more time thinking about this stuff than I should (talk about redundant -- I'm writing a freakin' blog about it, for goodness sake).
I'm a decent forward, and can play defense if needed (but generally don't want to, so I'll assign the task to some other forward who also doesn't want to play back). I understand positioning and strategy (plays) at a basic level, having studied it, but never received any formal coaching. So I comment on it from the bench and between periods, but I don't know if I actually help the team with it.
Anyway, that's the life of a rec-hockey captain. At least my rec-hockey addicted life.
The Wet Bathing Suit Problem
Hockey gear can be nasty stuff. You sweat in it a ridiculous amount, which means it's smelly. If you don't air it out after a game, it will be wet and NASTY when you next put it on. Nothing like putting on a wet bathing suit full of several days old sweat. Ewwww.
Then there's the problem of where to put it when you get home. If you've got a family, a roomate, or just like having people over . . . ever . . . there's no way the spouse or your social relations are letting you keep it in your bedroom or the living room. It's gotta be in the garage or the basement (if you have such a thing -- most folks in California don't). You could put it outside, which would be ideal if it weren't for ant infestations (that happened to an old goaltender of ours) and other vermin deciding all that sweat makes it a perfect snack.
So, after your weekly adult-rec game, you spread it out in your garage to let it dry. Problem is, especially for the family guys, you're always running a little late getting to the car, so you're stuffing your gear in your bag, hoping you don't forget something, as you're running out the door. Which leads to,
"Anybody got an extra elbow pad?" You just can't play without elbow pads. You can't. Nasty injuries await those who make that mistake. I've done it once. Never again.
"Anybody got an extra shinguard?" Can't even consider playing without one of those. Yikes.
"An extra sock?" "Someone got a white sweater?"
"Where's my #&%$ing jock!?!" Had that one happen last week. Nerve racking, I tell you. It's not like you can ask if someone's got a spare . . .
And that's the important stuff. There's also the towel for the shower, soap, undershirt, mouthguard, water bottle. Sheesh.
Of course, you can just leave the stuff in your bag, and resign yourself to the wet bathing suit, and this . . .
Then there's the problem of where to put it when you get home. If you've got a family, a roomate, or just like having people over . . . ever . . . there's no way the spouse or your social relations are letting you keep it in your bedroom or the living room. It's gotta be in the garage or the basement (if you have such a thing -- most folks in California don't). You could put it outside, which would be ideal if it weren't for ant infestations (that happened to an old goaltender of ours) and other vermin deciding all that sweat makes it a perfect snack.
So, after your weekly adult-rec game, you spread it out in your garage to let it dry. Problem is, especially for the family guys, you're always running a little late getting to the car, so you're stuffing your gear in your bag, hoping you don't forget something, as you're running out the door. Which leads to,
"Anybody got an extra elbow pad?" You just can't play without elbow pads. You can't. Nasty injuries await those who make that mistake. I've done it once. Never again.
"Anybody got an extra shinguard?" Can't even consider playing without one of those. Yikes.
"An extra sock?" "Someone got a white sweater?"
"Where's my #&%$ing jock!?!" Had that one happen last week. Nerve racking, I tell you. It's not like you can ask if someone's got a spare . . .
And that's the important stuff. There's also the towel for the shower, soap, undershirt, mouthguard, water bottle. Sheesh.
Of course, you can just leave the stuff in your bag, and resign yourself to the wet bathing suit, and this . . .
When Did This Guy Decide He Needed To Play Hockey?
I've been in two actual fights in hockey in my life. Plenty of shoving here and there, but only two real fights. The first, I was 16, playing roller hockey. 17 years later, my second, last night. With Baby Huey. Well, three of my teammates and I . . . after the game.We had a comfortable 7-2 lead. The refs had whistled the other team for 10 penalties (in our league that's enough to lose a point in the standings), and frankly there could have been several more. We had five of our own, and also could have had a couple more. Frustrated, they started losing their cool, accusing us of diving (we weren't), and generally mouthing off. Not ones to back down, we returned our own verbal jabs. After a verbal exchange, with 3:30 remaining, the refs decided to call the game (which, incidentally, isn't allowed under USA Hockey).
Baby Huey, here, was pissed. First he let the refs have it on the ice with a verbal assault that made my petty exchange with a ref in a hallway look like a disney training film. Then, he followed our team off the ice, jabbering at us the whole way about how we were diving. Naturally, we *calmly* explained that we weren't, and that he should just worry about learning to play hockey.
The father of a two-year old, I should know better. People are genetically programmed, and Baby Huey is no different. His older brother was permanently thrown from the league two years ago when, after receiving a game misconduct, he tried to hit the referee with a slapshot. Baby Huey has the same genetic code.
After following us towards our locker room, mouthing off the whole time, he turned to go to his locker room, and gave our goaltender a hard shove. Not too surprisingly one of our bigger defenseman jumped in and it was on.
Now, most of our team was already in the locker room, and all of his team was, too. It was him, and four of us. Not the brightest time for him to start a fight, but as I say, genetic programming. The other genetic component is Huey is big . . . real big. I hover around 2 bills, and our defenseman that jumped in is bigger than me by a decent margin, and both of us are small compared to Huey. I'm downright puny.
So, a couple of us jump in to break it up, the rink attendant jumps in, and everyone is subdued, and split up . . . when Huey comes at us again. Same drill, broken up, walking away, Huey comes at us a third time. This time, it's just him, our big D, and the rink attendant trying to stop it. So I grab Huey's sweater just to pull him off our guy. Between the rink attendent and I, we get him off our D (who was doing fine, by the way). He turns to walk away, sees my sweater and it was like a bull seeing red -- instantly he jumps me. So I cover up, two rink attendents jump in, and after he gets a couple of shots in, it's over.
Sigh. Why do people like Baby Huey think they need to play hockey?
A beer for me and my lady?
You're having beer in the parking lot in downtown Oakland at 12:15 in the morning. Guy, not exactly well dressed, walks up and says, "hey, you guys got an extra couple of beers for me and my lady?" Hey, I give the guy points for being direct about it. But we were a little short on the beer -- PBR, last night -- so we had to send him packing. Fortunately for him, hockey players are a pretty reliable group. One of the three other beer drinking groups was happy to oblige. He let us know he was ok as he left with the beer.
What impressed me most? As I got in my car and drove home, I passed him on an adjacent street. And he really was there with his "lady." Good on ya, beer hawkin' Oakland guy, good on ya.
What impressed me most? As I got in my car and drove home, I passed him on an adjacent street. And he really was there with his "lady." Good on ya, beer hawkin' Oakland guy, good on ya.
Delay of Game, Checking from Behind, and Fisticuffs: A Review
I was a good kid last night. No complaining. Even though Mad Eric was out there. Of course, not 24 hours after I pointed out that the refs in our league don't follow the zero tolerance view regarding arguing calls, one of our guys argued a terrible call, and was immediately assessed a minor for arguing and a misconduct. Naturally, later in the game when one of their players wouldn't shut his cake hole asking for a delay of game call against our goaltender for knocking the net out of place (the net not even having a mooring on one side, it slid pretty easily), no call. Same ref. Oddly enough, not Mad Eric. But don't worry, Mad Eric participated in his share, as discussed below.
Some notes from blown calls last night (these are just ones that not everyone necessarily knows, these aren't all the bad calls):
At the end of the game, with a 2-1 lead, the opposing team was doing everything it could do to freeze the puck along the boards. We've all done this, whether killing a penalty or trying to get through the last few seconds of a period or game. Guess what? Not allowed. Not that a referee in our league would ever call it. Note the italics I've included:
Rule 629 Puck Must Be Kept in Motion
Some notes from blown calls last night (these are just ones that not everyone necessarily knows, these aren't all the bad calls):
At the end of the game, with a 2-1 lead, the opposing team was doing everything it could do to freeze the puck along the boards. We've all done this, whether killing a penalty or trying to get through the last few seconds of a period or game. Guess what? Not allowed. Not that a referee in our league would ever call it. Note the italics I've included:
Rule 629 Puck Must Be Kept in Motion
(a) The puck must at all times be kept in motion. Play shall not be stopped because the puck is frozen along the boards by two more opposing players, unless a player falls on or is knocked down onto the puck. If one player freezes the puck along the boards or if a player deliberately falls on the puck a minor penalty for delaying the game shall be assessed under Rule 609(e) or Rule 612(a).and the explanatory note:
(Note) Notwithstanding the above, the Referee may stop play along the boards if in his judgment allowing play to continue will lead to unnecessary contact surrounding the puck.
(b) A minor penalty shall be imposed on any player including the goalkeeper who holds, freezes or plays the puck with his stick, skates or body along the boards in
such a manner as to cause a stoppage of play.
(c) A player beyond his Defending Zone shall not pass nor carry the puck backward into his Defending Zone for the purpose of delaying the game except when his team is below the on ice numerical strength of the opponents. For an infringement of this
rule, the face-off shall be at the nearest end face-off spot in the Defending
Zone of the offending team.
Why did I note the italics? Because with a minute to play, one of our guys got frustrated at this tactic, and while one of their players was "tying" the puck up against the boards, he hit him hard from behind. That wouldn't have happened had the referees enforced the rule above. Nonetheless, everyone on the ice and the bench saw what was clearly a major penalty. Here's the rule:In the instance in which only one player intentionally holds the puck along the boards for three seconds, the Referee shall have no alternative but to assess a minor penalty for Delaying the Game to the offending player.
Rule 607 Checking from Behind
(a) A minor plus a misconduct penalty, or a major plus a game misconduct penalty, shall be imposed on any player who body checks or pushes an opponent from behind.
Interesting to note that even if the penalty itself deserved a minor, not a major, a misconduct penalty shall be imposed. In our case, a major was the right call.
Of course, immediately following the check from behind/boarding, the opposing player got up swinging he elbows trying to hit our guy (who had already skated away). This, too, we've all done. As I said the other day, sometimes you have to stick up for yourself. Instead of hitting our offending player, he hit another of our players. However, there was no penalty assessed. Mad Eric's reasoning? "He thought that was the guy that hit him." So, in my nicey-nicey-I'm-the-team-captain-and-I'm-entitled-to-an-explanation voice (really, I was quite calm) I say, "so that's not a penalty -- he's allowed to retaliate? Can you tell me what rule that is?" Mad Eric then said the other ref made the call. Which is amusing because after the game the other ref offered two explanations: (1) "I let Eric make the call;" and (2) "we've been allowing that all game." Elbowing? I don't think so. In any case, here's the unsurprising rule:
Rule 613:
(b) A minor penalty shall be imposed on a player who, having been struck, shall retaliate with a blow or attempted blow. However, at the discretion of the Referee a double minor or a major penalty may be imposed if such player continues the altercation.
Because knowing is half the battle . . .
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