The Guys

I suspect most rosters look a lot like ours (guys often fill more than one of these roles):

Old Man River: skills are fading, but he's a good dude and no one wants to see him go. Maybe not so good for the penalty kill, but great for a beer in the parking lot. Seriously, it's rec hockey; what's more important?

The Kid: Hockey players are a little crazy as a rule, and the Kid is always the craziest. No one remembers having quite as much fun as he claims when they were young and single, but he has fresh legs and talent, so a little crazy won't hurt anyone.

Meathead: "Let's play some #@!&ing hockey!" Sure buddy, but you'd play a lot more if you didn't spend so much time in the box.

Canadian: For US rec teams, you gotta have a Canadian, better yet, a French Canadian. Ok, or a Czech, or a Russian, or a Swede. Somebody from one of those hockey playin' countries. At least Minnesota. Maybe he's not a ringer, but he's good . . . and a little off.

Flaky Star: when he's there, he's money. Problem is he isn't always there. Normally has a temper, too.

Captain Serious: the rec hockey captain who takes everything too seriously. He's not a great player, but he organizes things, so you're happy to have him. But seriously, guy, we're not going to learn the breakout without practicing, and that's not happening any time soon. Might go so far as to write an occasional blog post about hockey.

Crazy Goalie: they're all different . . . and they're all a little off in one way or another. But worldwide they have the same name: Crazy Goalie.

Glory Seeker: This guy wants to bury the puck and will do anything in his power to do so . . . as long as it doesn't include passing to a teammate.

Quiet Hero: solid, team player, scores, passes, plays defense. Keeps his mouth shut. Broods when things are going badly.

The Fuse: good player, libel to explode in rage at any moment. Sometimes it's a long fuse, sometimes it's short, but when it goes? Look out.

Rink Rat: plays for you, plays for them, plays for some other guys, too. Just likes to play. The secret? No wife or kids.

Late Skate McGee: You mean I'm supposed to be here in time for the warm-ups? Please.

The Drinker: we all have a beer after the game, but this guy doesn't stop at one. In fact, you wonder if he stops at four, but you're rarely around late enough to find out

The Mouth: quick to let you know what you're doing wrong. That's not to say that he's doing it right, just that you're doing it wrong.

The Big Defenseman: maybe he has skills, maybe not, but he's big, and he'll run you over if you come near his crease.

The Instigator: maybe he's the Fuse, but often not; he's pesky in the corners at all times. When you're playing against him he's irritating. Sometimes enough to take a dumb penalty just to vent some frustration.

Just Happy to be Here: shows up, plays hockey, drinks a beer. What, you need more than that?