The Life of a Rec-Hockey Addict . . . er, "Captain"

As I've said, I've assumed the role of Captain more for my ability to compile statistics and ensure that someone brings beer than for my skill on the ice (you should see the scoring charts I've compiled to track our losing streak).

Like "Rolly," in the Beer League trailer, I'm not necessarily a great motivator or tactician. I routinely exhort my teamates to avoid unecessary penalties, only to go out on the ice and commit a reactionary act of aggression myself. Probably the most common double standard I set is that I tell my guys not to bitch at the refs. But something about that "C" on my chest makes me think I have carte blanche to abuse the men in stripes. I've probably agitated the refs more -- and caused more ill will towards our team -- than every other player on our roster combined. Now that's leadership. Or not.

Lately I've been a little better about the penalties and mouthing off to the refs, but I'm the first person to complain about a clearing pass sent across the middle of the ice, then do the same thing myself mere seconds later. And there's the "don't just throw the puck into the middle because you think you've had it too long" advice. Like mouthing off to the refs, I probably do that more than anyone on my team . . . just after exhorting everyone else not to do it.

So why do they put up with it? Probably because they don't want to spend the time to keep track of the stats and make sure beer arrives.

It takes time to enter the stats. And I stay on top of it. Everyone on the team gets a weekly update on their goals, assists, penalty minutes, and number of times they've brought beer. That gives me a goals for and a goals against average. I track goals against and wins and losses for my goaltender (and my consistent goaltending sub), but can't track shots on goal or save percentage because the scorekeepers don't routinely or accurately track it. I keep track of our power play goals, goals against, as well as short handed goals and goals against, and a rough estimation of our percent success on the power play and the penalty kill. So the team has a pretty good handle on who's doing what. And you should see the charts. And the comparisons with previous years. To try and minimize just how big of a dork my teamates think I am, I don't necessarily share all the charts and prior year comparisons, but I do them (available upon request).

Another thing that takes more time than you might think is figuring out who on earth is actually coming to skate any given night. You'd think that someone who is paying about $25 per game to play would be there come hell or high water, but back in the real world we have jobs, significant others, and mood swings that justify the financial loss of not coming. (Note to spouses: it's still cheaper than golf). So, making sure we have 10 skaters is actually a pretty big task. Made bigger when people don't tell you they won't be there. There are the core guys that you know will be there. Then there are the maybees. Then there are the guys that drive up the captain's blood pressure, the ones that are consistently late, or nearly late; and the guys that you have no idea whether they are coming or not, even if they told you they are. Nothing beats dressing in the locker room with 6 guys and no goalie, when you should have 11 skaters and a goalie. Our last goaltender (and current routine sub) was habitually late. He only missed the first face-off once, but talk about adding stress to a rec-captain's life; there's nothing like dressing without a goalie. After a while the routinely late guys become, well, routine. I know they will arrive (or at least I think I know), but I just have to accept that they won't arrive until the last minute. Just part of life. But why is it that it seems the guys that live the closest are routinely the latest?

We have the list of subs, all ordered in my head by who's going to help us the most. But I don't like playing with subs because, well, they're subs. I want to win or lose with my team. This is a point of dissension with some of my guys -- I'd rather play and lose with 9, if they are our 9. Others would rather get the sub and win with 10. They're probably right, but I'm stubborn. I caved two weeks ago, and we still lost, even with what I would describe as a ringer. I see that as kharma siding with me, but who's to know?

I decide the lineup. For better or worse. Hockey is a team sport, and a handful of very good players will play differently, and at different levels, depending on who else they play with. So I try to put our lines together the best I can. I talk to one of my teamates about these decisions before most games. In that I'm a rec-hockey addict, I spend more time thinking about this stuff than I should (talk about redundant -- I'm writing a freakin' blog about it, for goodness sake).

I'm a decent forward, and can play defense if needed (but generally don't want to, so I'll assign the task to some other forward who also doesn't want to play back). I understand positioning and strategy (plays) at a basic level, having studied it, but never received any formal coaching. So I comment on it from the bench and between periods, but I don't know if I actually help the team with it.

Anyway, that's the life of a rec-hockey captain. At least my rec-hockey addicted life.